Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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