And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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