is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
