Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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