U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
