and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
