I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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