hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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