therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
