I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
