I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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