That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
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Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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