I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
