Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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