How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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