I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
