You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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