I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
