I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
