I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
