thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
