you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
