today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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