Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
