3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
