She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
