i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
