It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
