just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
