i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
