I wish my penis had an off switch
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
