I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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