walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
