i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
