Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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