sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
