Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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