sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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