Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize