Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
