you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
