Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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