I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
