there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
