Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
