One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize