just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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