did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
