you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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