Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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