Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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