Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
