I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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