so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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