all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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