First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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