I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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