can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
