my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize