she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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