So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's shark week go big or go home
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
