i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
